I've often joked that I wish someone could take me apart and put me back together "better" - little did I know that it would one day come true.

If you're just tuning in - I explained more about the last two years in this blog post. But to sum up; in adolescence some of the soft tissues of my hip never finished forming into bone - and now my body is  so over  having to work so hard to keep the joint together. So, rather than treating only the symptom (labral tear), the surgeon will also be addressing the cause and making a series of cuts to the bones in my pelvis in order to position my hip socket in a more supportive way.

​When we talked to the surgeon in December, it sounded like surgery would likely be scheduled for April. But, obviously, that didn't happen and I had to wait until mid-June. While that allowed me to finish out the semester of teaching dance, I was initially pretty bummed by the delay. Now, I think it was for the best. In April I will still having thoughts like "maybe I'm being dramatic and don't need surgery" -- now I'm in enough daily pain that I know this is the right move.

I thought the weeks leading up to surgery would be riddled with anxiety, I even scheduled extra appointments with my therapist to stay ahead of it. And I do get occasional waves, but mostly I've felt ready to be on the other side and on the road to recovery. I'm ready to be in less pain, ready to be able to move my body without fear of discomfort, and ready to get back to dancing and the emotional release that brings. Tomorrow's the big day, so today I'm focusing on things that bring me joy (reading, knitting, cuddling with my partner and my cat, etc...). And when the "what if's" of what could go wrong start to creep in, I come back to my breath to ground myself.

I'm unsure how often I'll post here or on my Instagram (@AshlynMoves) - but I do plan to share a bit about how I prepared/if the things I did were necessary as well as sharing updates about the recovery process.

Please send all of your comforting, calming, and healing thoughts/vibes/prayers my way. 

I’m having hip surgery. Specifically, a periacetabular osteotomy.
 
I’ve debated if this is really a journey I want to go through publicly and if committing to sharing this would really be beneficial (for me or anyone else). And in the end, I’ve decided to try sharing. I think it will help me process the many emotions I’m having as I approach my surgery date; I also found a lot of comfort reading others’ blog posts about their similar surgeries – so I hope my posts can do the same for someone else down the line.
 
So here we go! I’m starting with a little background on me as well as the journey from “a pulled hip muscle” to now (6-weeks out from a PAO surgery). Buckle up, it’s a long journey, and we’re only getting started!
 
I’m Ashlyn, a 28-year-old dancer, choreographer, and Pilates/dance teacher. 

​In 2020 I was in the middle of a 5-month Reformer Teacher Training (part of my comprehensive Pilates certification). I was feeling really strong despite dancing less frequently in my day-to-day. One day during my self-practice I was working on a challenging move, Teaser on the Reformer (iykyk), and afterwards I felt like I had overworked or maybe pulled a hip flexor. No big deal, I took a few days off to rest, and thought I’d be good to go. But then each time I’d practice Pilates or teach dance it felt like I would reaggravate my hip. Since these activities were part of my profession, it was challenging to truly rest. So, I started focusing on addressing imbalances in my hips – working on hip extension, abduction, and core strength – to see if that would calm the hip flexor down. 

​Two things to note before I move on –
Right around this time, I also returned to teaching dance in-person. In addition to feeling pain a few hours after movement, I started getting sharp pain in my pelvic floor when I would do large sweeping movements or quick changes in direction.
The assessments the doctors did often included deep hip flexion (hugging your knee into your chest), at the time these didn’t cause immediate pain, I would just be in extreme pain a few hours after the assessment was done.  
 
Anyways, I started PT right away and returned to see Dr. Sullivan a week later for a steroid injection and a few additional X-rays, which confirmed that I have hip dysplasia (shallow hip sockets). The steroid injection process was interesting – he injected the corticosteroid into the hip and then left me in the exam room to do various movements while the medicine kicked in (squats, leg lifts, etc...) – when he came back, he re-assessed the hip and we found that I was in less pain and had increased range of motion. This pointed towards the impingement and labral tear being the source of most of my pain. So, he suggested continuing with PT for a few weeks while the steroid shot was fresh, and if pain persisted to see yet another hip specialist and discuss surgical options. At this point he explained that repairing the tear in the labrum may not be adequate because of the instability/hip dysplasia.
 
After a few weeks of feeling like PT was helping me gain strength, I began to plateau and my pain started to increase once again. Around this time walking began to bother my hip – I could usually last about a mile before I would feel a pinching sensation through the inner hip/groin area.
 
I saw the hip specialist (Dr. Sullivan) one more time to discuss the progress (or lack of) that had occurred after the hip injection. He explained that a hip arthroscopy (repairing the tear) would likely not be sufficient because of the hip dysplasia – the tear would most likely reoccur over time due to instability. He recommended seeing another hip surgeon (Dr. Schoenecker) to discuss a PAO (periacetabular osteotomy). He also ordered a CT as a pre-op scan; because at this point, I was pretty confident that I would be pursuing the surgical route – meeting with Dr. Schoenecker was mostly a way to get questions answered and meet the person who would be operating.
 
A little over a month later I met with Dr. Schoenecker. He spent a lot of time with my partner and I – explaining that hip dysplasia often happens in adolescence when the soft tissues of the hip should finish forming into bone, but for some reason occasionally miss that step. He also went over the procedure in detail and answered our questions about recovery and what I can expect after I’ve fully recovered. Even though this process has been overwhelming at times, the doctors I’ve met with have been exceptional in the care they’ve shown and the ways they break everything down so I can understand what’s happening.

That brings us to today. My pain has been steadily increasing, despite decreasing movements that aggravate the hip. Most days I take a nerve blocker before bed to help ease the pain, though I still don't get restful sleep because it's hard to find a comfortable position. I limit walking distances, I'm no longer dancing much (teaching one 30-minute class each week), and I practice Pilates only sparingly. My pain has gone from discomfort after movement (back in 2020) to being in varying degrees of pain most of the time. I'm not sharing this for sympathy, but so that others in my position can know they're not alone! I’m about six weeks away from surgery and although it feels scarier the closer it gets, I know I can’t keep living in this much pain, or without the option to move my body.
 
The plan for surgery is for Dr. Sullivan to repair the small labral tear through an arthroscopic procedure. Then, Dr. Schoenecker will come in for the PAO – essentially cutting the hip socket from the pelvis and reorienting it in a way that allows the socket to cover the femur head more fully.

I'm planning to take 7 weeks completely off of work to focus on recovery. I'm expecting to be on crutches (two, eventually weaning to one) for about 3-4 months post-op. The way Dr. Schoenecker explained the recovery process is that after about 12-13 months I should feel "as if I never had surgery at all," with the 6-7 month mark allowing me to do most things, with occasional reminders of the surgery. He also said I can expect to return to about 90% of my previous flexibility - a price I am more than willing to pay!

I know this was a long post - covering 18 months of this journey so far - so thank you if you made it this far! 

For the last couple of years I've taken a lot of time to focus on my mindfulness practice. This practice has shown up in different ways and has evolved as I've continued to grow and work on myself. And I find that by continuing to return to this idea of mindfulness I'm able to stay more present and grounded.

But, what is mindfulness?

The internet [social media] sometimes makes it seem like mindfulness is this toxic positivity, only happiness, "take time to breathe so you don't feel sad/bad feelings" type of thing... But I think that's an inaccuracy, or perhaps the "insta-worthy" version.
For me, mindfulness is about coming back to the present moment; we can reflect on the past and hope for the future, but all we have is the present. 

Mindfulness is taking time to feel, notice, and mostly  s l o w  d o w n.  We all experienced a very large, global slowing down last year and it helped a lot of people realize how fast we were moving through life. And even if you feel like you thrive in those fast-paced moments; it's important to take time to slow down. In my movement practice I often slow things down to ensure I have all the pieces in place before I challenge and encourage myself to try something more quickly. Because if you feel something slow, that's awesome, but life and movement can't always be slow. And by taking time to be intentionally slow through mindfulness, we are opening the space and allowing life to also be fast without it being detrimental to our mental + physical health.

This idea of mindfulness also speaks to whole body health, routine, and practice. Mindfulness is great whenever, but it's even better when it's part of your routine - then it can become a ritualistic activity. Mindfulness and wellness as focuses have been about settling the anxieties I feel and the idea of coming back to my center goes hand in hand with my work as a movement educator. 

In high school I had a friend who began a meditation practice, and I remember being pretty confused because I had a clear picture in my head about what meditation is -- sitting cross legged with your eyes closed and perhaps entering a new realm -- and the idea of emptying ones thoughts seemed completely foreign and unattainable to me. And while that is one type of meditation (in a nutshell), I'm so glad that the idea of mindfulness meditation has become more prevalent because I think it's more accessible for the average person. If you've ever experienced a somatic practice (like yoga, Pilates, or even some dance classes), chances are you've done mindfulness work without really realizing it. 

I have a few favorite ways that mindfulness shows up in my life and I wanted to share one of my favorite activities in hopes that it helps you find enjoyment in slowing down and staying present. 

Below are instructions for a simple breathing / mindfulness exercise! I suggest reading through first, and then putting it to practice! Sit somewhere comfortable and without distractions, close your eyes or soften your gaze.

1. Begin by bringing your awareness to your breath - notice it without trying to change it and without judging. 
2. Another word for inhalation is inspiration, and another word for exhalation is expiration. Each time you breathe in (inhale) imagine that you could truly breathe in that which inspires you. And each time you breathe out (exhale) imagine that you could rid your body of that which doesn't serve you (tension, stress, etc...)
3. Continue to breathe in inspiration and breathe out that which does not serve you. 
4. Conclude your mindfulness session with a moment of gratitude - say thank you to your body and mind for taking this time today.

In case you're interested in taking this work further, but aren't quite ready to take your mindfulness practice on your own, here are a few of my favorite resources! 
@thenapministry (rest as a form of resistance, and more on the history of slowing down)
The Daily Shine Podcast (short guided meditations)
Get Sleepy Podcast (bedtime stories that begin with a brief meditation to help you relax)